Now And Always (Crown Creek) Read online

  I swallowed hard. “Wow, Mom.”

  She set the oven timer in a way I imagined a general exhorting his troops before battle would set an oven timer. Then turned to me and smiled. “What?” she deadpanned. “You impressed I remembered to set the timer?”

  “That’s part of it.” I laughed.

  She laughed too. Then hugged me tight. “I believe in you,” she whispered in my ear. “I always have, and I always will.”

  I hugged her back. My mother believed in me. My mother didn’t hate me, even though I'd screwed up so badly. I’d always prided myself on being the perfect child, but it turned out I didn’t need to be. My shoulders relaxed. I took a deep breath, marveling at how easy it was to breathe all of a sudden. My mother exhaled too.

  Then the oven timer went off and we both screamed.

  “I’m nervous!” my mother fretted as I pulled the sheet from the oven.

  “Grab the cooling rack,” I instructed. “No, Mom, that’s the turkey lifter. Okay, you know what, pull the rack out of the toaster oven, we’ll use that. Okay, wait, no! See how it says to let them set on the sheet for two minutes? That’s why they always fall apart, you need to let them rest.” I had no idea what newfound spirit had possessed me. Maybe I was riding high on knowing I hadn’t disappointed her. Or maybe I just figured I was pregnant and single and had nothing left to lose, but I was actually daring to critique my mother’s baking. And to my amazement, she was listening to me.

  “It says put foil down?” She squinted at the splattered page in the recipe book. “I’ve never done that before, should I do that?”

  “There’s probably a reason, Mom. Hang on wait, you need a metal spatula, that’ll make them easier to lift. I got it, watch out, don’t burn your hand.” I batted her grabbing fingers away from the still-hot cookie sheet before she injured herself and set the cookies on the foil-covered rack to cool. “No, don’t eat them yet!” I scolded. “Honestly, you’re worse than Gabe. Give them five more minutes to rest. You can wait five minutes, right?”

  My mom just grinned at me. I glared at her and then deliberately set the timer for five minutes. She watched the seconds count down, bouncing on her toes like a little kid.

  When the buzzer went off, she snatched a cookie from the rack and shoved it in her mouth.

  I watched her, nervously biting my cuticles.

  She made a face, chewed, then swallowed. Her eyes went wide. “Holy shit.”

  My jaw dropped. “Mom,” I said warily. “You just swore.”

  She nodded, looking dazed. “I know. I think that might have been the first time ever.” She picked up a cookie and handed it to me. “But holy shit, Claire, they’re good.”

  I pressed my lips together and then accepted the cookie, making a great show of inspecting it from all angles before taking a tiny nibble.

  It tasted like a chocolate chip cookie. A normal, everyday, homemade chocolate chip cookie. But for my mother, this was an accomplishment right up there with discovering nuclear fusion. “Oh my God, Mom. You did it!”

  “I did it!” she crowed. She hugged me and we both jumped up and down, whooping in triumph. Then she grabbed her phone. “I’ll call your Dad. You get your brothers over here. Tell them I did it. I actually fucking did it!”

  I laughed as she hurried into the living room to call my father. “Should I tell them you said ‘fucking’ too?”

  “Don’t you fucking dare!”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Claire

  The living room was covered in an inch-deep layer of Christmas detritus. Scraps of festive wrapping paper curled like quotation marks around now empty cardboard boxes.

  My dad sat in his favorite chair, engrossed in the new hardback spy thriller Jonah had given him for Christmas, blatantly ignoring the shiny red foil bow still plopped on the top of his head.

  Ruby tucked her feet, newly clad in fuzzy pink slippers, under her and leaned back against Jonah on the couch. “It's kind of a shame you can't have this,” she told me. Her words already had the slightly happy slur of a late morning buzz. “The eggnog turned out really good this year.”

  I smiled tightly and held up my mug of store-bought, no-raw-egg, crappy-ass nog. “Mine's good too!” I said heartily. “It doesn't even rum!” To make my point, I took a huge sip and instantly regretted it.

  “You've got to do what's best for the baby, right?” my mother chimed in, completely unnecessarily.

  I looked into my cup. All morning long, the conversation kept veering to my impending motherhood. No matter what I did to try and steer things away by pointing out that it was Christmas morning and perhaps we should be paying attention to the really important thing here—namely, presents—it still kept coming up.

  “Right, Mom,” I said with a sigh. “And you see how I'm not drinking the homemade nog, right? I am aware that pregnant women should not drink alcohol or consume raw eggs.”

  A tight silence fell over the room. Rachel shifted uncomfortably, and Beau slid his arm around her. I saw my chance, and I took it. “Now that this is all done,” I said brightly, waving my hands to indicate the litter of wrapping paper strewn across the living room floor, “let's talk about the next big, important holiday coming up. Valentine's Day.”

  “What's important about Valentine's Day?” Finn grumbled. Sky elbowed him in the ribs, and his eyes went wide. “Oh. Right,” he mumbled.

  “Yeah,” I snarked. “Your twin brother's wedding. Remember?” I clapped my hands together. It felt good to be taking charge of something, and it also felt good not to be thinking about Ethan. The present I'd bought him sat in a plastic bag upstairs, unwrapped. I wondered if I could still return it.

  I pushed that thought from my head and continued. “Now that we have a date, we have to kick it into high gear.”

  Gabe rubbed his eyes, still suffering from a vicious case of jet lag. “Just tell me what to wear and point me in the direction I need to go.”

  Rachel nodded. “Really, that's all I need, you guys. You don't have to go to any trouble.”

  “Any idea where you’ll have it?” My mother leaned forward, bracing her elbows on her knees and rubbing her hands together, a pose all four of her sons frequently mimicked.

  Rachel looked at Beau, and then at Finn and Sky. “The lawn of our house,” she said with a nod.

  “On Valentine’s Day? That'll be freezing!” Ruby shivered.

  “But we can rent heaters!” I interjected, feeling on firmer ground. “We get them all the time for events at work. You know, those ones that stand up and look like they're wearing umbrellas?” Rachel gave me a grateful smile. “Heaters and some kind of tent.” I started ticking off items on my mental checklist. This was what I was best at. The ideas were starting to whirl in my head. “We can put it up the night before, just in case it snows. And we’ll need chairs. I know a place that does them per piece so you don’t have to pay for what you don’t need. Oh, and red carpet maybe? Because a white one might get all messy or blend in with the snow.”

  “Some kind of thing for us to stand under,” Beau rumbled. "You got that covered though, right Claire?"

  I nodded, biting my lip. "I've got some leads!" With a pang, I remembered the pergola Ethan had been building. It was so beautiful. But it wasn't like I was going to ask him to hand it over. He could keep my money.

  “You know what?” I said, leaping to my feet. “Let me go get a piece of paper. We need to start making a list.”

  “What about colors?” I heard Sky ask as I tromped into the kitchen to fetch a pad of paper and a pencil.

  “She wants reds and pinks,” Beau said. “You know, to go with the whole Valentine's Day thing.”

  “Oh, that's so sweet!” Ruby said.

  I shook my head. “If we want to get bridesmaid dresses now, we won't be able to special order them. We’re going to have to buy off the rack.”

  Rachel looked alarmed. “Really?”

  I cringed. Of course she didn't know this. She'd never been to
a regular wedding before. I crossed the room and sat next to her, covering her hand with mine. “This is why you have me,” I reminded her. “To make sure this stuff is taken care of. We'll need to order the cake right now.”

  “I thought that was my job,” a small voice piped up from the corner.

  I turned and smiled. Rachel's sister, Rebecca, hadn't said more than two words all morning. I reflected once again on how strange it must be for her to spend a holiday with us. The Chosen didn't celebrate Christmas, Rachel had warned us. The idea of giving each other presents as part of a celebration was a completely foreign concept to her.

  She rocked her sleeping baby with a worried look on her face. “I told you I would take care of that, Rachel,” she said, and I caught a flash of sisterly irritation in her eyes that I was sure my brothers had seen in mine. Sibling exasperation was a universal concept, it seemed. No matter where you grew up.

  Rachel pressed her lips together in that same irritation. “And I told you no. Claire said she had a place. You don't need to bake a cake for that many people, Rebecca, that's ridiculous.”

  “But Claire shouldn't be worrying about it, either,” Rebecca objected, looking at me. Her eyes were so similar to Rachel's. “You need to be resting,” she said in her clear, calm voice. “Every day, things are going to get harder and harder for you.” She looked down at the tiny bundle in her arms. “You don't think about it, but one day you can do something, and then the next day you suddenly can’t.” She spoke with fervor I hadn't heard from her yet. “I’ll take care of it,” she said. “You need to go easy on yourself.”

  My entire family turned to me. My mother nodded. I looked down at my hands. Resting was the last thing I wanted to do, because every time I closed my eyes, Ethan was there. Every time I closed my eyes, I rewound through our last night together and the what-ifs started again.

  What if I had just told him no? Yeah, I don't think coming over tonight is a good idea. No, Ethan, we shouldn't do this, it’ll ruin things. No, Ethan, I'm not going to tell you who the father is.

  There were so many times I could have just closed my mouth. But it was Ethan. I always told him everything. Even when it hurt us both, it seemed.

  I shook my head and gave Rebecca a smile in return. “My baby is still internal. Yours is on the outside. And from the sound of things this morning, he can be a little bit of a handful.” Rebecca blushed, but nodded. “You have an infant. There's no way I'm letting you bake a cake for the entire town.” I turned to Rachel with a wink. “Because you know that's how many people are probably going to be there, right? The entire town is coming. Mom has been inviting everyone.”

  “Not everyone,” my mother protested. Very, very weakly.

  We all laughed. And Rachel got up to give my mother a reassuring hug. “Thank you,” she whispered to her. I felt something tug at my heart. I loved my family so much.

  I cupped my hands around my belly and turned back to Rebecca. “I told Rachel that I had the perfect place, but then things got kind of crazy,” I said with a wince. “But I want to take you both there. Obviously, Rachel will want your approval.”

  Rebecca looked pleased at this. Then her smile fell and she looked down. “It's hard for me to get away,” she said, looking down at her tiny son.

  I gave my brothers a meaningful glance. “You guys can watch a baby for a few hours, right?” The twins looked at each other with alarm that Rebecca didn't fail to notice, but I waved off her panic. “Listen, if they didn't break me, they won't break him.”

  “And we were actively trying to break Claire,” Finn added.

  “I think it would be fun, actually,” Beau said, smiling at Rachel. “You guys should go out. Go eat lots of cake.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Enjoy letting someone else take care of you for a change.”

  Rebecca smiled at the two of them, and I curled my hands around my belly a little tighter. This time next year, I'd be just like her, holding this little one in my arms. Another new person would be joining our wonderful, crazy, loving family. And for the first time, I was excited for it.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Claire

  “Here,” I texted Sadie, then looked at the sprawling mansion in front of me and added, “I think?”

  The front door swung open immediately. “Yes you are! This is the right house,” she trilled. Her blond hair tumbled down her shoulders in damp waves like she had just gotten out of the shower. “Come on in! Ooh, is this for me?”

  “It is.” I handed her the present I’d just finished wrapping before heading over. It had taken me right up until the very last moment to decide if it was appropriate or not.

  “Nice digs!” Willa whistled as she emerged from Cooper’s giant truck, arms laden down with wrapped packages. “Whose place is this?”

  Sadie pressed a pensive finger to her chin. “I think a doctor?”

  “Not a doctor from around here,” Olivia added from behind Sadie’s shoulder. She squeezed my arm in greeting. “It’s gotta be a vacation home. Come on, you have to see the size of this tub. You could go swimming in it.”

  “But don’t, please!” Sadie called as we tumbled into the festively decorated house. “I don’t think they have security cameras up, but I can’t afford to lose this job if they do.”

  Since graduating from high school, Sadie had cobbled together a livelihood—as only she could—from a series of strange and unconnected jobs. She taught yoga twice a week in the community room at the library. But that was her only position that resembled anything close to “permanent employment.” She seemed to be able to conjure money out of thin air, whether it was the gig reading books to blind Mrs. Murphy, or the three freezing weeks she’d just spent as Santa’s little elf in the town square. But she always teetered on the knife-edge of poverty.

  So we were all thrilled, and slightly relieved, when she got a gig as a house sitter. It solved her need for money and her need for shelter in one go. This palatial vacation home, with its swimming pool-sized tub, was the third job she’d found with the new agency that had just hired her on. “They just called me up and offered me a job!” she’d marveled when it happened.

  That same day, I’d sent Greg a handwritten card and a gift certificate to Indigo as a thank-you. He didn’t expect it, but it didn’t hurt to remind the property manager in charge of the house-sitting business that I had Sadie’s back.

  “Wow,” Willa marveled once Sadie had finished the tour. “So they just decorated the place and then didn’t spend Christmas here?”

  Sadie shrugged. “Makes it nice for us, right?”

  “This place is incredible!” Ruby had somehow snuck in the door without us noticing. “Merry Christmas, girls!” She stomped the snow off her boots as she entered, then turned around to hold open the door for Sky, who squealed and hugged Olivia, nearly crushing her presents in the process.

  Olivia pulled back, gripping Sky’s shoulders. The two of them were cousins, and shared a special bond, with Sky even living with Olivia for a spell before she and my brother got back together again “How was it?” Olivia asked Sky, wide-eyed.

  Immediately, we all fell silent.

  Sky heaved a giant sigh. “It went… fine.”

  “Let me pour some wine before you go any further.” Ruby scooted into the kitchen, shouted something about hoping she didn’t get lost in the refrigerator, and then emerged with two glasses in hand. “One for you,” she said, handing Sadie her glass. “Hostess’s privilege.” She took a sip from her own glass, and then grinned when she noticed all of us watching her expectantly. “What? I already bought you presents. Pour your own wine.”

  Willa and Olivia laughed. Sadie clinked glasses with Ruby. Sky made a beeline for the open bottle and poured half of it into her glass. Stepping carefully to make sure she didn’t slosh, she found a place on the long leather sectional. I settled in next to her, and her eye went to the lack of wineglass in my hands. She raised her dark eyebrows significantly.

  I gave her a mi
nute shake of my head. “I will. Soon.”

  She nodded. Then smiled at the rest of the girls as they poured into the living room, glasses in hand. Ruby also cast a glance at my empty hands before meeting my eyes.

  I nodded. I know.

  “So!” Olivia cackled obliviously. “Christmas with the Knights. I’m both dying of curiosity and also too scared to ask.”

  It took me several seconds to remember that Sky had just spent part of Christmas with her newfound family. The brothers and sister she didn’t know existed until a few months ago. "Yeah," I squeaked. "How are J.D. and all of them?"

  Sky sipped her wine. “We’re all still getting used to the idea of each other, I guess.” There was an unmistakable wistfulness in her voice. Sky’s father had had an affair with Sky’s mother, with her as the result. He’d kept her hidden away, watched over by a neighbor, only visiting every few weeks. As far as she knew, she’d grown up the only daughter of Bill Clarence.

  It wasn’t until she showed up for his funeral that she’d discovered he'd lived a completely different life. Here in Crown Creek, Bill Clarence was known as Bill Knight, the father of Rocco, J.D., Grace, Maddox, and Lennon. His “real” family.

  “It must be so hard,” Willa interjected sympathetically. She set her glass down on the coffee table, then thought better of it and slid a coaster underneath. “Especially since they aren’t very….” She trailed off. “What’s a nice way to say this?”

  “Easy to get along with?” Ruby supplied.

  “Polite?” was Olivia’s contribution.

  “Upstanding of citizens?” was my mumbled assessment.

  Sky nodded and swirled her hand in the air. “Yeah.” She gestured. “All of the above is true, but also?” She screwed her lips down in a frown. “Damn, guys, there’s so much sadness over there. Part of me just wants to give them all a hug.”

  “Make sure to pat them down first,” Ruby snapped.